When you see someone close to you continue to decline into addiction, while at the same time, turning their back on any and all offers of help, it feels as if you are standing on the edge of a cliff. You are putting out a hand to reach for them, and they keep moving away, making it more difficult to reach them. This creates a huge anxiety within you, the anxiety continues to grow stronger each day. The helplessness you feel can take a toll on your physical and emotional health. Unfortunately, this type of pain is very common for many people who are dealing with someone they care about who refuses to enter treatment for addiction.
An addiction is considered an ongoing illness that alters the brain’s natural functioning. Individuals who are addicted typically use denial to protect themselves from having to face the reality of their addiction. Without the ability to deal with and understand the truth, the ability for someone to recover from their addiction is nearly impossible. This article will provide clear and simple guidance for how to assist an individual who is in denial; however, it is equally important to focus on your own mental and physical well-being while supporting your loved one in their journey to recovery.
Understanding the Wall of Denial: Why They Resist Treatment
The Brain Chemistry of Resistance
Addiction changes the pathways for rewards in the brain. Whether you are abusing drugs or drinking alcohol, the brain floods the individual with chemicals that produce pleasurable sensations. After you have been abusing these substances for a long period of time, the individual becomes so accustomed to this feeling that they crave it more than they do food or sleep. As a result, quitting becomes like taking away a very important part of who you are.
The brain is fooling the individual into believing that the substance provides a sense of security. This change in the brain impacts decision-making areas. Health care professionals estimate that approximately forty percent of individuals that have substance use disorders experience difficulties with impulse control due to this alteration in the brain.
A brain that operates in survival mode cannot process logical arguments. It will resist any attempt to discuss the possibility of quitting. Once you understand this, you can let go of your anger. You now know that the resistance to quitting is due to the illness rather than being stubborn.
Fear, Shame, and Stigma as Barriers
Many people who deny themselves help for their substance use disorder (i.e., addiction) are also fearful of starting treatment and/or experiencing the pain of withdrawal from their drugs. These fears keep them from taking action to resolve their addictions.
In addition, they may feel shame for admitting their substance use disorder. People with substance use disorders are often viewed as weak or bad by society, so this creates a great deal of fear in the person seeking assistance.
Here’s an example of this situation: A brother may drink excessively to the point that his job could be in jeopardy. He may feel that his family’s perception of him is accurate; however, he does not wish to disclose this to anyone. The only way he can break through this barrier is to find a safe environment where he can speak openly and honestly about his situation. He will need to create a safe space in which to create a positive environment for rebuilding trust and reducing the inner pressure.
Effective Communication Strategies When Confrontation Fails
Yelling or begging rarely works with someone in denial. It pushes them further away. Instead, try calm talks that invite change. This part shares tools to open doors without force.
Employing the Motivational Interviewing Approach
Motivational interviewing is a technique that builds an individual’s internal motivation for making a change. It uses empathetic, supportive technology, rather than placing blame on the individual for not making the desired change, to help individuals find their reason for seeking help. An open question to start with can be, “What are your primary concerns regarding your drinking?”
Next, if an individual has a history of being able to resolve problems, affirm that strength by saying, “You are skilled at resolving challenges.” Use reflection methods to demonstrate that you are listening to what the individual is saying as well.
These techniques follow the OARS framework (Open questions, Affirmations, Reflections, Summarizing), which is widely used in addiction therapy—including in approaches like Dialectical Behavioral Therapy for Addiction.
Exploring Alternatives to Immediate Voluntary Treatment
When they flat-out refuse therapy, don’t give up. Other paths exist to ease them toward care. These options bridge the gap from denial to action.
If they’re not ready for formal rehab, don’t lose hope. Options like harm reduction, outpatient programs, or specialized adolescent recovery programs can offer smaller, less intimidating steps toward care. These paths can build trust and plant the seed for future action.
The Essential Role of Family Self-Care and Support Systems
Helping someone deny addiction wears you down. You risk burnout or codependency. Shift focus to your health too. Strong families support better.
Seeking Support Through 12-Step Programs for Families (Al-Anon/Nar-Anon)
Those who have people whom they love and who are struggling with difficult substance abuse can benefit from Al-Anon. Nar-Anon is a program designed for people who have been affected by their loved one’s drug addiction. Members of both of these programs share their personal experience and some helpful resources through group meetings.
Participants of these groups learn how to separate themselves from the negativity associated with their loved ones’ addiction, as well as receive support from other individuals who have been through a similar experience with addiction. Through these groups, members receive support in their efforts to cope with denial concerning their loved ones’ addiction and learn how to stop feeling so alone during this time in their lives.
Both Al-Anon and Nar-Anon meet each week, and one mother who has attended such meetings for several years reported that she finally found peace of mind after all the years of worry about her daughter. While attending these meetings, the mother reported that she discovered that she and the other members of the group are not responsible for their loved ones’ choice to use drugs or alcohol.
Professional Counseling for Family Members
Counseling helps to heal the pain of addiction. Counselling unpacks many emotions including resentment, guilt and enables a greater awareness of codependency.
Therapist sessions will support you in developing new, healthier coping mechanisms. These tools will enable you to have more effective boundary setting abilities. Many people find clarity after only a few therapy sessions.
Choose an expert in addiction family issues as your first step in becoming a stronger person.
Conclusion: Sustaining Hope While Accepting Reality
An overview of useful actions to take to assist your loved one who is in addiction denial. The guide contains information regarding the effect of the brain, along with emotional roadblocks, and how to approach such discussions utilizing SMART-Talk and establishing appropriate boundaries. The guide also explores intervention, legal assistance, and harm-reduction methods. Lastly, ensure that you take care of yourself by finding groups or therapy services that can assist you.
You can’t force them into recovery, but how you respond to their actions and the environment can help support change. Hope exists in small victories (e.g., having an honest conversation with them).
Start your healing process by contacting a counselor or support group today. Develop your strategy now. Everything you do now begins the healing journey for everyone involved.
